when doors close automatically

2015 | Netherlands

Den Haag.

The doors close automatically.
If feels like I get sucked into the void.
The moment is surrounded by heavy sounds of releasing air.
I know it is temporarily nevertheless, I try to separate myself from the dense crowd.
Looking for a place away from inconvenience.
I sit down in a row for two, ... alone.
I try to protect myself by putting my bag on the other seat.

The doors close automatically.
With an empty look I am scanning the people around me.
A high pitch sound. Almost like a balloon, which is losing its air.
The noise gets louder the faster we go.
Bright red with dark blue dots covers the furniture in this plastic and aluminium consistent interior.
The smell of sweat, badly covered with cheap perfume, urine and energy drink goes into my nose.
As everyone else I try not to make eye contact and rigidly stare out of the window.
I am trying to lose the sense of time by typing into my
computer.
A robotic voice interrupts my line of thoughts.

The doors close automatically.
A group of young men enters.
The atmosphere fills with testosterone aggressively
competing with one another.
A deadly mixture of aftershaves brings tears to my eyes.
Trying not to follow their conversation, I feel the vibration of the engine in my seat.
With every unevenness of the road, the sounds and
vibrations are gone, almost like we would have been
weightless for a second.
The doors close automatically.
For a moment...silence. The loud noise of the air condition fills the room.
It creates a rhythm that turns into white noise.
Raindrops on the window vividly adjust to the speed of the tube.
Children moisture the glass with their breaths and draw stickman’s and words in capital letters.
I hear the beats from the music the person listens to, in front of me.
People get up to stand in line in front of the door.

The doors close automatically.
My eyes keep switching between my computer
and the information screen.
I caught myself counting down the stops and calculating
the time.
In my body rushes a stream of anxiety and restlessness.

The doors close automatically.
I stand up,
Join the row of people, waiting for the doors to open.
The doors open automatically.

Rotterdam.